How to give feedback to each DISC style, so it actually lands

The basics that work for every style

Good feedback has the same bones whoever is hearing it. It describes something specific that happened, explains the effect it had and is clear about what you would like next time. It arrives soon enough to be useful, and in private if it is critical.

A popular shortcut is the 'feedback sandwich': praise, then criticism, then more praise. Most people see through it quickly, and it teaches them to brace whenever you say something nice. Give praise and criticism on their own merits instead, and make sure each one is true.

• Be specific. 'In Tuesday's client call you cut across Thandi twice' is useful; 'You need to be more of a team player' is not.
• Describe the behaviour and its effect, not the person's character.
• Give it soon. Feedback about something that happened in March is hard to act on in November.
• Ask before you tell. 'How do you think that went?' often gets you halfway there.
• Agree one next step, not a list of ten.
• Give positive feedback as specifically as criticism, and more often.

Giving feedback to a Direct person

Direct people want it short and straight. They usually respect a clear message far more than a cushioned one, and a long preamble can irritate them more than the criticism itself. They may push back hard in the moment. That is often how they test an idea, not a sign that they have rejected it.

• Lead with the point in your first sentence, then give the reason.
• Link it to results: what the behaviour is costing the team, the client or their own goals.
• Let them argue. Hold your ground calmly and say what you need to see.
• Agree the outcome, and let them choose how to get there.
• Praise: name the result they achieved, briefly. A long speech will make them uncomfortable.
• Avoid: hinting, softening the message until it disappears, or raising it in front of others.

Giving feedback to an Inspiring person

Inspiring people hope feedback comes with warmth. They care a lot about the relationship and about how they are seen, so criticism can sting more than they let on. They will often agree enthusiastically on the spot, which is not the same as having taken it in.

• Start by showing the relationship is fine. A sincere word about what they bring helps them hear the rest.
• Keep it conversational, and give them room to talk it through.
• Be clear about the one thing that needs to change. Charm can carry a conversation away from the point.
• Follow up in writing with the agreed next step, and check in a week or two later.
• Praise: make it public where it suits, and say what their contribution meant to people.
• Avoid: a cold, written-only critique, or a long list of detailed corrections.

Giving feedback to a Steady person

Steady people listen carefully, and often a little anxiously. They tend to take feedback to heart and may keep turning it over long after the conversation ends. Because they dislike conflict, they may say 'that's fine' when they actually have questions or disagree.

• Give some warning. 'Can we find 20 minutes tomorrow to talk about the handover?' is kinder than an ambush.
• Choose a calm, private setting and keep your tone even.
• Make it clear that the relationship, and their place in the team, are secure.
• Explain what good looks like, step by step, and offer support to get there.
• Ask for their view, then wait. Silence usually means thinking, not agreement.
• Praise: thank them for the reliable, behind-the-scenes work that others overlook.
• Avoid: surprises, raised voices or feedback in front of the group.

Giving feedback to a Careful person

Careful people want the detail and the reasons. Vague feedback frustrates them because they cannot act on it, and they may question your facts before they accept your conclusion. That is how they process feedback, not defiance.

• Bring examples and evidence: what happened, when, and what the standard was.
• Explain your reasoning, not just your conclusion.
• Send a short note before or after the conversation so they can think it through.
• Give them time to respond. A considered reply the next day is often their best one.
• Be accurate. One wrong detail can undermine the whole message.
• Praise: be precise about the quality you noticed. General praise can sound insincere to them.
• Avoid: emotional appeals, exaggerations such as 'you always' or 'you never', or asking for an instant answer.

Your own style as the person giving feedback

The way you give feedback is shaped by your own style, and so are your blind spots. Most people give feedback the way they would like to receive it, which works well for colleagues like them and misses everyone else.

Feedback is also a two-way habit. Ask your team how they like to receive it, and ask for feedback on your feedback. And keep DISC in its place: it is a guide to how people like to communicate, never a basis for performance ratings or decisions about someone's job.

• If you are Direct, you may be clear but blunt. Ask a question first and check how your message landed.
• If you are Inspiring, you may soften the message until the point is lost. Write down the one sentence you must say, and say it.
• If you are Steady, you may put feedback off to keep the peace. Waiting rarely makes it easier, so say it early, kindly and in one sentence.
• If you are Careful, you may give too much detail at once. Pick the two points that matter most and save the rest.

Help your team learn how each person likes to hear things

Feedback gets easier when everyone knows each other's style. The DISC Test team pack gives up to 15 people a Full Playbook each, including how each person likes to be communicated with, plus a live team map and pair reports between members. It costs R3,950 a year, and members choose what they share.